


A Soldier's Journey

by LadyNightingGaleofMilvania



Category: Vinland Saga (Manga)
Genre: But they'll be around often enough later on, F/F, Hildrid in the background, It’s gonna hurt at first, M/M, Modern AU, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, PTSD, Potential Triggers, Thorfinn comes from a line of Veterans, Thorfinn takes breakups hard, Veteran!Thorfinn, Volunteer!Einar, but it’s ok Einar is there to help, don’t worry it gets better, family intervention
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-14
Updated: 2019-11-14
Packaged: 2021-01-30 19:23:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21433423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyNightingGaleofMilvania/pseuds/LadyNightingGaleofMilvania
Summary: Thorfinn comes home from serving overseas for six months to find his house empty. After listening to the message on his answering machine he realizes that he suddenly is single. Will he find a way to cope? Will he ever find love again?
Relationships: Einar/Thorfinn (Vinland Saga), Hild/Gudrid
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	A Soldier's Journey

Thorfinn could remember it perfectly, the day he came home from his tour. The key had turned in the lock and he had left his large bag by the door so that he could loosen the laces on his boots. They slid off and he enjoyed the feeling of the wooden floor beneath his socks and the fact that the air he was breathing was the air in  _ his home _ , not some country that was at war. Thorfinn locked and deadbolted the door behind him before making his way to the kitchen, finding it as clean as the day he left, Canute must have been working on his cleaning when not trying to work his way onto photoshoots and that made Thorfinn’s heart swell. He poured water into the coffee pot and proceeded to scoop grounds into it. Canute must have used the rest of the dark roast recently as there were none left, just a half-filled can of Folgers sitting on the top shelf of the cabinet.

Once that was done, Thorfinn made his way upstairs, hoping to surprise Canute since it was 8 in the morning and Canute never woke up anytime before noon. Creeping up the stairs, Thorfinn saw the bedroom door open.  _ Perfect, _ he thought to himself, his lips forming a smile,  _ I won’t have to worry about the door. _ However, when he managed to peek his head in Thorfinn found the bed made. Odd. The bathroom door down the hall had been open with the light off, so there was no way that Canute was in there. Was it possible that his boyfriend had gotten up early? The thought was so absurd that Thorfinn couldn’t help but snort in amusement. Making his way back downstairs he checked the garage to find Canute’s car missing, the only vehicle in it being Thorfinn’s truck. Whatever was going on could wait until after coffee, the aroma of the brew wafting through the house now and hitting his nose.

He quietly padded back to the kitchen, deciding to take off the top of his uniform so that he was only wearing the brown shirt that was tucked into his camo pants beneath it and then grabbed a simple mug. As he poured the dark, hot drink into the cup he noticed the answering machine flashing the number 1. Thorfinn pressed the play button, blowing on his coffee to take a sip when he heard Canute’s voice.

_ Hey, I…  _ Canute’s voice let out a choked sigh, pausing for a long moment before continuing,  _ God this wasn’t how I wanted things to go… I’m so sorry, babe I just… I can’t keep waiting and waiting for you to come home. That fear that, at any moment, someone would come and knock on the door to tell me you didn’t make it… I can’t keep living with that fear, with the loneliness of being in this house by myself for months on end because the military decided to put you back out on the field… I got a call from my agent telling me that he’s found me an opportunity in New York City and I’m going to take it. I hope you can forgive me for not waiting until you came home but… I’m sorry. _

The machine let out the monotone  _ end of new messages _ , but Thorfinn never heard it. Nor did he hear the crash of his coffee cup hit the floor and shatter into pieces. Canute was gone? He was… really gone? The air rushed out from Thorfinn’s lungs as he began to hyperventilate, overwhelmed by everything so suddenly that he couldn’t think straight. Alone, he was alone. The first thing he comes home to after getting off the bus is a house filled with  _ nothing _ . The next several weeks were a blur and if you asked Thorfinn what had happened it would be a large gap in his memory until Ylva had barged through the door after work one day.

“Where the hell have you been?” she asked, arms crossed in front of her.

Thorfinn hadn’t heard her even come in, looking up to see Ylva was wearing a cream sweater dress with grey leggings, complete with a pair of tan boots that came to her knees, her large black glasses completing the look. In comparison, Thorfinn was in a pair of pajama pants, a beard and mustache on his face from having not shaved since he arrived home. Ylva plugged her nose at the stench of the home, she could tell that he hadn’t done anything for the entire time, dishes piled high on the kitchen counter, trash overflowing onto the floor. Thorfinn was more than just a mess, he was an absolute wreck and it was worse than she had imagined.

“Bro, let me take you out today, ok? Ari is at home with the kids and I’m running some errands, now go shower, and for the love of god shave that off your face or I will.”

Thorfinn trudged silently up the stairs and Ylva immediately set to work cleaning, starting with that trash. Grabbing a new bag, she began to gather up everything from the living room to the kitchen as she heard a door shut upstairs, there were papers everywhere and food that was who-knew-how-old that had attached to the carpet. Once that had been taken care of she started on the dishes, clearing out what had been piled in the sink so that she could start washing each by hand, pushing up the sleeves of her dress before turning on the water.

“Do you even have anything clean in this house? Geez,” Ylva muttered to herself as she put the stopper in the drain and squeezed in some dish soap.

Before long Thorfinn made his way back downstairs, looking around at the work Ylva had done before staring at her in the kitchen with a scowl.

“Why’re you cleaning my house?”

“Well, you’re obviously not doing it yourself. Honestly, this place is worse than the kids’ rooms and those four are little disasters. Have you even told mom you’re back? She’s been wondering if they decided to push your return home date again when I told her I’d come to check.”

Thorfinn opened his mouth to reply when he realized he really hadn’t said anything to anyone, not that he could remember anyway. In fact, now that he thought about it, he couldn’t remember anything since hearing Canute’s voice… well, except that he might’ve not deleted the message and played it again and again so that the house didn’t feel quite so devoid of other people.

“I was gonna come visit eventually,” he answered finally.

“HA!” Ylva yelled, pointing at him with a soapy hand, “It took me coming here to find out that you were home  _ at all _ . We’ll stop by to see her when I’m done.”

Thorfinn’s scowl turned more severe as he shoved his hands in his pockets, leaning against his refrigerator as Ylva scrubbed a plate furiously. He would have cleaned up too, but his sister had managed to tear through the house with wild abandon, having already done everything in sight with the speed of a mother of four. After another 10 minutes, clean dishes were piled in his dishwasher to dry. He didn’t understand why she didn’t just put them all in it to begin with, but Thorfinn wasn’t going to say anything. Ylva had gone out of her way to check on him and obviously had been checking on his house in the six months he’d been overseas while Canute had left. It was more than he could have asked of her and the least he could do was go with Ylva.

“Alright, that should be it,” she said, squinting at his shirt as she sighed, “Let’s go, we’re taking the minivan.”

Ylva put on her black peacoat and grabbed her purse, digging for the keys as they made their way out the door. Thorfinn locked it quickly before they both headed to the van and got in. He didn’t expect it to smell like stale popcorn, but it did and it melted away his feelings of upset, a small smile causing one side of his lips to quirk upward. He had missed his family, and the familiar smell of popcorn was enough to distract him, even just for a moment before he felt guilt over leaving them wondering over his absence.

“I’m sorry, Ylva,” Thorfinn mumbled as he buckled up.

“Don’t be sorry,” she replied, turning the key in the ignition and putting the vehicle into reverse, “I figured out that Canute left not too long after he disappeared. Still pretty pissed, actually. I should’ve honestly come to visit you sooner.”

Thorfinn looked guiltily out of the window, unable to form an answer as Ylva tied her hair into a ponytail before pulling the van out of the driveway. She began happily chatting away about all the things he’d missed: some of the kids’ birthdays, their mother recently being on the upside of whatever illness she was currently suffering of recently, Ari getting run over by one of the kids in their batter cars outside. There were more stories, but Thorfinn had tuned her out, barely registering the scenery go by. At one point Ylva had answered a call as they pulled into a store parking lot─yelling something about how their children got onto the roof of the house, Thorfinn was too afraid to ask at that point─before parking the car and dragging Thorfinn into the store only to be back out an hour later.

“I had to pay a couple bills too, but those can honestly wait until next week. Let’s drop these off at home so you can visit the family,” Ylva said, hoisting several gallons of milk into the trunk as Thorfinn unloaded the rest of the groceries.

Once they had arrived at her house Thorfinn got out of the car and proceeded to help unload the bags... at least he did until Ylva grabbed everything in one go, her arms laden with the bags and jugs. She passed him the key to unlock the door, following him as they tried not to slip on the ice that lie in wait on the sidewalk. The first thing they heard when he opened the front door was screaming. Ari was visible in the kitchen wearing a pink apron as two of the four children sit attached to his legs. Their mother sat on the recliner, watching the tv with Astrid in her lap, turning to smile at the sight of her mother and dropping out of her grandmother’s lap.

“Mama! Uncle Finn!” she squealed, running to hug Ylva’s leg.

“Have you been hanging on your grandmother all day, Astrid?” Ylva asked, dragging the now-child-occupied leg.

“You know it’s no problem, dear. I love spending time with my grandbabies,” Helga said, eyes widening as they filled with tears, “Thorfinn, is that really you?”

“Yeah mom, I’m back. Sorry I didn’t come over sooner,” Thorfinn answered, scratching his head and looking away.

Helga embraced her son, tears flowing freely down her face as she buried it into his shoulder, “I’m just grateful that you’re home safe.”

“I’m here for good now, they’ve discharged me, so you don’t have to worry about me going on tour again, mom,” Thorfinn informed, returning the hug.

“MARL!” Ylva shouted from the kitchen, interrupting the moment.

In strutted an older boy with a set of earbuds hanging off his shoulders and baggy clothes.

“What?” he asked.

“Put away these groceries with your brothers, I have to make a few phone calls for work while your father finished lunch,” Ylva said, kissing Ari on the cheek as she walked out dialing her phone.

“Ugh, why can’t mom just put away the groceries?” Marl moaned, dragging himself from the kitchen to the room his brothers shared.

“Because your mother works crazy hours just to buy this food, young man, and the least you could do is help put them away!” came Ylva’s voice from another room just before the sound of a door shutting cut it off.

As though a fire had been lit under the three boys, they all sprinted to the kitchen to put away the food, Astrid walking over with arms up to Thorfinn.

“Up, Uncle Finn! Up!”

Thorfinn picked his niece up before sitting down on the couch with his mother, some game show playing on the tv as he waited for his sister to come back out. It wasn’t long before she plopped down on the couch next to him and sighed heavily, cracking open a can of beer.

“I love Marl, but his attitude is gonna get him in trouble one of these days,” she said, taking a sip.

“I remember someone else being the same around that age,” Helga smiled, looking at her daughter pointedly, “Because my grandson certainly didn’t get it from Ari.”

Ylva blushed as Thorfinn laughed, earning an elbow from his sister before she joined in. The three sat in blissful silence, the only noise besides the television coming from the kitchen where Ari was saying something about baguettes not being swords. Thorfinn had missed this, just sitting around with his family and laughing while the kids horsed around. It was quiet and simple and familiar, unlike what he was currently going through. The message from Canute wormed into his brain and laid heavy on his mind as though it were a thick woolen blanket. Ylva took a gulp from her can before turning to Thorfinn.

“I know you probably don’t want to, but I pulled some strings with a work friend and got you an appointment in a week to see her. Normally I’d make sure it was ok but… Thorfinn you’re not ok at all and I’ve gotten concerned.”

Astrid slid off his lap and ran down the hall as he stared suddenly at Ylva, “What the hell? Who asked you?”

“Thorfinn, what happened?” their mother asked, concerned and looking between her two children.

“Nothing─”

“His boyfriend broke up with him and he’s not handling it well at all, mom,” Ylva stated, cutting Thorfinn off as she put her drink down on the table, “It’s why he hasn’t come to visit until I dragged him here. You should’ve seen him, he really needs help before it gets any worse.”

“I’m not one of your kids, Ylva! You can’t just make appointments for me at places and expect me to go!”

“When was the last time you cleaned your apartment before I came and cleaned today?” Ylva demanded.

Thorfinn couldn’t answer.

“When was the last time you did laundry or change your clothes?”

Silence.

“When did you last shower? What about shave? Have you even eaten anything besides crappy takeout? What about that message? I know for a fact─”

“Shut the fuck up about the message or I’ll─” Thorfinn began, standing up suddenly and balling his fists.  
Ylva stood up as well, “Or _what_, Thorfinn? I know it was an invasion of privacy, but look at you! Ready to brawl over the fact that I’ve started an intervention because I’m concerned!”

Tensions were high enough to cut with a knife as the siblings stood facing each other, both angry and yelling and glaring.

“Thorfinn, she may not be your mother, but I am,” Helga stated sternly, standing as well, her face hard for a moment before pain melted it away and she began crying, “I asked her to go, Thorfinn. I was scared that you might’ve not come home or that… or that…”

Their mother hid her face in her hands and Ylva ran over to catch her as she collapsed to the ground sobbing. Just like that, all his anger faded; he was still upset, sure, but he knew their mother. Thors, their father, had fallen in combat when he was 6, so he just remembered the men in uniforms standing at the door, it wasn’t until he was older that he understood that they had come to pay respects and let the family know of their loss. Ylva had spent nights in her bedroom sobbing while acting tough during the day, in fact, that was when she had started to act out herself. Their mother had cried when Thorfinn had decided to join the Marines, but she didn’t stop him. He had wanted to be a hero like his father and grandfather before him, it wasn’t until his first taste of battle came and he realized why his father would come home and sit in his study for the first week before doing anything with the family. He knew her fear, that one day she’d find the MPs or higher-ranked officers knocking at her door yet again to tell her that she had lost someone, that she would face another twenty-one gun salute, that she’d watch another loved one be lowered into the ground to before her eyes, that there would be another tightly folded flag to rest on the mantel.

Thorfinn knelt down and embraced his mother and sister both, “I’ll go. For you guys.”

At that she cried harder in relief, grasping at his shirt and making it wet with tears. He hated himself for letting things get to this point. He was supposed to have made an appointment anyway to deal with the issues that had presented just before he had been sent home. He had forgotten the ghosts of his past momentarily when he had heard the message on his answering machine that day, although they still made it terrifying to sleep at night. Between Canute haunting him during the day and the horrors of war that plagued him at night it was no wonder that his family had become worried. Thorfinn also had no doubt that his parents had struggled with the same troubles together in years past.

That’s what led to him standing in front of the building a week and a half later taking another sip of his Starbucks coffee. His therapist had suggested that since his house was now empty─what, with Canute having left while he was on tour overseas─he should try to participate in a local program aimed at helping soldiers adjust to civilian life.  _ You need a support system, _ the woman had told him,  _ People that can help you when you’re hitting those rough spots and can’t cope on your own. They also give tools to help you work on conquering your PTSD in ways that have been shown to work for other soldiers since most of the staff there have been soldiers, as well. _

He really didn’t want to listen to her, but she was right about one thing: adjusting to civilian life was hell, nothing compared to being in the service. Thorfinn didn’t think that anything would possibly come from this group, but it was better than shutting himself up at home, seeing his ex-boyfriend in every corner of the house. With a deep breath, he pushed open the doors and stepped inside.


End file.
